


A Willing Sacrifice (Still Hurts)

by Auaurora



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: And well it is canon, But Hisoka's Muraki's assistant here, But mostly Muraki, Complete Lack of Self Worth, I feel a little guilty about it but not enough to leave him out of this, I should probably just tag for Fai POV and that would be covered by implication, I'd tag for Yami no Matsuei but I feel like there's not really enough YnM content here for that, I'm just borrowing Muraki and Hisoka, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, Not of Fai, Onscreen Rape, Suicidal Thoughts, Yama Country
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 03:54:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9530444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auaurora/pseuds/Auaurora
Summary: Alone together in Yama and battling every night on the moon, it was probably only a matter of time before chance overrode skill and one of them ended up badly hurt.  It's worse luck that normally, Kurogane would end up crippled for it.  But Yasha's army's mysterious doctor offers Fai a bargain: his body for Kurogane's.





	

For all his combat experience, Fai was rapidly realizing just how different it was being a wizard prince was from being a common foot soldier. Fai had never asked to receive better treatment - had done his best to discourage it when he'd finally realized. Fai didn't deserve it. But it was only here in Yama that he'd realized the sheer scale to which he'd failed. As new and very foreign recruits, he and Kurogane were as far from getting first pick of everything as it got, and the difference was stark. The food was slop, the tent leaked, and it had taken every ounce of charm and unyielding insistence Fai had felt up to mustering before the quartermaster had given him a bow that wasn't suitable only for firewood. 

But the real difference was in how he was treated. At home- in Celes, Fai had been respected, feared, and loved. The little broken prince the king had taken in, the powerful wizard whose magic that protected the country: Fai had been liked, for the most part. Before he'd failed them too, anyway. Here, though, he was just a very obviously foreign soldier who didn't even speak the language and whose behavior didn't exactly inspire trust or liking. To them, he supposed he was just a living body on the battlefield, more disposable than most.

Fai didn't disagree with that assessment, really, and found a bitter sort of satisfaction in the disdain he was encountering here. It wasn't what he deserved, but it was a start. 

But Kurogane didn't seem to agree, with the way he'd been quietly but very firmly accompanying Fai everywhere here, despite Fai’s determination not to let the language gap stop him from teasing Kurogane to death. More evidence that Kurogane was a better man than Fai could ever be, and Fai loved and hated him for it in equal measure. On the one hand, it made Fai's betrayal all the harder to bear. But like the weakling Fai was, he couldn’t stop appreciating the kindness.

Not that he intended on letting Kurogane know. It would only encourage him. 

Fai lazed in the afternoon's sun, making it clear in every line of his dangling body that he wasn't paying a single iota of attention to the pre-battle briefing. He could guess the gist and didn't have a prayer of making out any details, so why bother? He'd follow Kurogane's lead and guard his back (until he had to stab it) and that was that. 

When the briefing ended, Fai debated getting up and saddling his and Kurogane's shared dragon horse, or lying here in the sun, aggravating Kurogane with his laziness. ...That was an easy enough choice.

"Oi." An irritated string of nonsense syllables came from Kurogane's mouth that Fai assumed meant get off your ass and get ready for battle.

Fai smiled, cracking an eye open to look at Kurogane lazily before shutting it again and snuggling more firmly onto the sparse grass. He didn’t want to.

Kurogane sighed and pulled Fai up, depositing him firmly upright with little effort. Not for the first time, Fai admired his traveling companion's strength and had to resist the urge to lean into it, to see what shelter he could find in it. As attracted as he was to Kurogane, Fai knew it could hardly be returned. All his little crush was doing was making his inevitable betrayal all the more difficult.

And it was that that made Fai snap when they were forced onto yet another pointless battlefield, the one they fought an endless battle lost ages ago and kept going through one man's stubborn refusal to admit his rival was dead (and if Fai's instant dislike of this world's Ashura had come from the name and the morass of feelings it swamped him in, no one had to know). He had been at Kurogane's back, killing from a distance as Kurogane took care of anyone who came too close, when someone's dragon mount freaked out at her rider's fall. If it had been a deliberate attack, both Kurogane and him would have likely sensed the incoming tail, but without the killing intent, it was a thousand times easier to miss. Fai had been focused on dodging a lethal hail of arrows, a hundred feet away from Kurogane, when a hundred pounds of scaled tail had suddenly hit his shoulder, force infinitely amplified by its fear and confused fury, and Kurogane had gone down hard. 

Fai was over there in seconds, half a dozen arrows in the beast that had dared to hurt Kurogane. All he could see was Kurogane's blood on the ground, and it filled him with a cold anger than Fai had rarely felt before. Even without his magic, Fai could kill - had killed - and his arrows and rage more than sufficed to keep any further harm from Kurogane for the rest of the battle.

Until the day he died, Fai would have been completely unable to say how he got from the battlefield to the medical tent, huddled next to Kurogane's bed like he thought his presence wouldn't just bring the man more harm. The medical tent was shadowed in the pos-battle night, Fai's only conscious companion the white haired doctor, diligently working away. Occasionally, a friendly acquaintance of Kurogane's had wandered in, but at the sight of the doctor still absorbed in his work, they wandered back out with a disappointed air. Fai resented them dully for not caring more, for not recognizing Kurogane's importance. Even though the part of himself that had tried and failed at medicine knew that crowding the doctor just risked distracting him, and Fai would resent them a thousand times more if their careless care had made Kurogane's suffering a moment worse.

But eventually the doctor ceased his labor, and turned to Fai with a liquid stream of nonsense. Fai couldn't even tell whether it was good news or bad news with the neutral smile on the doctor's face. He shook his head, saying helplessly, "I don't understand you." He hovered his hand over Kurogane's wounded shoulder, making his gaze as inquisitive as he could. Hoping the doctor would figure out a way to convey his meaning. Fai didn't think he could stand not knowing, and he knew he might have to.

The doctor's eyes sharpened, though his mouth remained set in the same smile. He said a few more unintelligible words, more to himself than Fai, Fai thought, and looked thoughtful for a moment. Then he leaned forward and rested his hand over Kurogane's heart. Fai could see the rise and fall of Kurogane's chest under his hand as the doctor nodded, smile widening, and Fai knew that the doctor had said that Kurogane would live. But then he moved his hand over to Kurogane's wounded shoulder and shook his head, smile fading, and Fai knew Kurogane would be crippled.

"No," he whispered. Part of him thought he should be pleased by that - he was a traitor so many times over he didn't know how to count it any more, and, as little as Kurogane knew it, they were on opposite sides. But he wasn't, couldn't be. Kurogane was kind under that brash face of his, even to him, and Fai was to weak to ignore it. Someday all his sins would come to light and he would be forced to betray him, but until then... Until then, he wanted Kurogane to be happy. And Kurogane's happiness, he thought, lay in a good fight and in protecting the people he cared about. How could a swordsman do that without his sword arm? 

Fai's thoughts swirled in unhappy circles, searching vainly for a solution amidst the guilt. Not for the first time he cursed his uselessness at healing magic. 

Even in the midst of his anguish, Fai's well-trained instincts couldn't miss the rush of a spell being cast - a translation spell, no less. He jerked his eyes up to meet the doctor's gleaming mismatched eyes. "Do you want to your friend to heal completely? As a swordsman, I imagine he values his ability to wield a sword."

"That is an excellent translation spell," Fai applauded. For the first time in weeks, Fai could speak with someone and his first words were a deflection to give him time to think. Of course they were. 

Now he studied the other man with belated care, seeing him properly for the first time. At first he had assumed him to be older, from the white hair, but if he hadn't had magic, Fai wouldn't have guessed him to be a day over thirty. He was strangely colorless, white hair combining with his mismatched grey eyes, pale skin, and white clothing to make him look almost like a ghost haunting the medical tent. And if the magic radiating off the other man was healing magic, the man could likely heal anything short of a missing limb without a scar.

"Thank you," said the other man, his smile as impenetrable as Fai's own as he waited for Fai to get around to answering his original question.

"Swinging a sword around makes Kuro-rin so happy it would be a shame to deprive him of it, after all. Are you offering, then?"

"Yes, for a price." The man's smile was sharp and dangerous. "I was only hired for my mundane skills here, after all. Magical healing costs extra."

Well, it wasn't like bargains with powerful wizards were new to Fai. Strange that his hiring was so limited - but it wasn't as though Yasha or his generals had questioned Fai using purely mundane skills, either. At least as far as Fai knew, anyway. "If you say it like that, it sounds like you have a price in mind already," Fai said sliding a cheery smile over his face. 

"Your body," said the other man. 

Fai's eyes widened in genuine surprise. He was expecting a more magic-related request. And a little more subtlety. "How bold," he hedged.

The other man leaned in to kiss him, ignoring his deflection, and Fai neither resisted nor cooperated, letting the other man plunder his mouth as he willed. He was a thorough, dominating kisser, seemingly careless of Fai's response. Fai closed his eyes and thought about how bad it would be if he let this continue, and on the other hand, how bad it would be if he didn't. When he looked at it like that, the answer was easy. 

"You're very direct," Fai said when the other man broke the kiss. He kept his eyes away from Kurogane's still form, feeling absurdly guilty for what he was agreeing to. "I would think a man like you wouldn't lack for bed partners." 

The other man smiled, and lifted his hand to caress Fai's cheek. "I don't. But beautiful men from other worlds who still have their pretty blue eyes rarely drop by my tent."

Fai stiffened, more at the mention of his eyes than the knowledge he recognized Fai for what he was. It wouldn't exactly be unknown for a wizard to carve out the container of another wizard's magic, and that would be very bad, with Fai's curse. "Just to be clear, this is an offer for sex only, correct? No detachable body parts?"

The other man laughed lightly, mockingly. "Have you encountered many eyeball collectors?"

Fai shrugged and smiled. "They say that no matter what you can think of, someone out there is into it." 

"And what are you into?" He asked.

"Definitely not detachable body parts." Oh, look, Fai could be honest.

He laughed. "I'll leave you intact, then." 

"Then I accept, on one condition." 

"Oh?" 

Fai stretched a falsely flirtatious smile across his face. "I prefer to know the names of the men I've slept with." 

The other man chuckled. "Is that so? Then I have one condition of my own."

"Yes?" asked Fai warily.

The other man ran his fingers across the stretch of Fai's lips. "No lying smiles when I fuck you." 

Fai's smile didn't fade under his fingers. Smiles were his shield, and he couldn't say the idea of dropping them to this man appealed. "I never lie," Fai lied blandly. 

The other man smiled. "If that were true, your friend would never regain the use of his arm." 

The threat in that was not subtle, and Fai finally dropped the smile. "No fake smiles," he agreed.

"My name is Kazutaka Muraki," the other man finally introduced himself, gracious in his victory.

"Fai D. Fluorite, at your service," said Fai with a charming smile. After all, they weren't having sex yet, and by the look Muraki shot him, he caught the nuance.

"So you are," Muraki said. "I do require a down payment before my service begins." 

Fai's smile didn't budge. "To clarify, how much...service, shall we say, will you be requiring as payment?" 

"As long as your companion requires mine," Muraki said. He raised an eyebrow. "It seems a reasonable length of time, after all."

"So I see." Fai thought it over. He was tolerably aware of what healing magic could do, and figured it would be a week, maybe two, in this Muraki's bed. The prospect didn't thrill him, but... Kurogane was so happy when he fought. Fai didn't want to see him lose that. "A down payment, then." Fai dropped to his knees in front of Muraki, reaching to figure out the other man's strange clothes. The medical tent was public, but this long after the battle, the main influx of people had long since ceased, and Fai was confident he'd sense anyone coming. The only presence was that of Kurogane, and as long as Kurogane was unconscious, it didn't really count.

A hand in his hair stopped him. "Strip first."

Fai really didn't want to. And one look at Muraki's face gave him the strong suspicion he knew that. Fai hadn't exactly been optimistic about how good the sex was likely to be, but his worst suspicions kept getting more and more support. Fai started to draw up a smile, to hide behind that much at least, then remembered the other instruction. 

So he stripped in silence, revealing pale, lanky limbs, notched with old scars and still so terribly empty of Ashura-ou's mark. Pale nipples, barely more colored than the flesh around them. A soft cock, head still hidden under the layer of protective flesh. Muraki's eyes never left his form as he revealed it, and Fai wondered what he saw. He thought probably someone weak, vulnerable, ready to be debased.

It wasn't an assessment he disagreed with, really.

Finally, Muraki untied his pants, and Fai took it as the not too subtle signal it was, dropping to his knees. Muraki's cock was soft, and Fai coaxed it into hardness as quickly as he could. It was a lot more awkward when he wasn't aroused in the slightest. Muraki didn't help, looking down with a coolly appraising gaze, one hand running through Fai's hair. "Look at me while you do this."

Fai reluctantly met Muraki's eyes as he licked and swallowed Muraki's cock. Once Muraki's cock had reached full hardness under Fai's attentions, Muraki's hand tightened in his hair, and Fai found himself abruptly choking on a mouthful of cock. Muraki had thrust with no consideration of things like Fai's gag reflex or desire to breathe, and Fai struggled to let him. At least now the only skill required of him was coping with the sudden onslaught, Fai thought distantly.

Fai had no idea how long he knelt there, gagging on Muraki's cock with Kurogane's unconscious body on the cot beside them. Fai couldn't see him, but he could feel his presence, and found himself focusing on Kurogane as the one solid thing in the world. This is why you should hate me, he thought to Kurogane's unconscious body. I'm weak and I'll just fail you in the end. All I can do is try to make up for it.

Kurogane didn't respond, of course. Like all important things he'd ever told Kurogane, he'd never said them out loud.

He was drifting, moving himself away from the violation his body was currently enduring, and he knew it. A coward and escape artist to the end. When Muraki's other hand came to his head and forced him all the way down, so he couldn't breathe, Fai's mental wanderings were curtailed and he struggled not to lash out and break the deal. It didn't take long for Fai to feel a warm splash of liquid down his throat, too deep for him to do anything but swallow it, and Muraki's grip finally loosened.

Fai's throat was sore and Muraki's come was heavy in his stomach when he stood, meeting the other man's eyes with a smile. "I trust that was satisfactory?" He chirped.

Muraki smiled back. Save for the now limp cock not yet back in his clothes, he looked as if nothing in this tent had ever touched him. "For a down payment. I do expect you in my tent tonight, of course."

Fai's smile didn't budge at the reminder that this wouldn't be their only session. "Of course," he echoed inanely. 

That settled, Muraki turned his attention to Kurogane's unconscious form. An unreasoning part of Fai wanted to rush between them, to stop the other man from dirtying Kurogane the way he had Fai, but that would negate the whole point of what had just happened here. As long as Kurogane was fine, Fai would deal with whatever came.

Fai watched Muraki work as he dressed. Muraki was skilled, no doubt about it - he'd seen a few magical healers perhaps as good, but none better. (Except for the dreams Fai sometimes had of how much better the real Fai would have handled everything. If it had really been Fai, with the magical healing Yuui could never master, he wouldn't have needed to trade his body to a rapist for healing, and it was yet another reason in the mountain of them why Yuui should have been the one to die.)

Fai forced his attention back to Muraki, wanting to supervise the healing he'd paid such a high price for. He could see Kurogane's shoulder being rebuilt under the other man's hands, bone being drawn back into its proper place from the million shards it had been in, dead muscle cells being swept out and new ones starting to grow, nerves beginning to weave back into their proper net. Source aside, it was very reassuring to see, and Fai took a quiet comfort in it. At least Kurogane would be all right.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god I am so out of practice at this...


End file.
